| Foolish |
[02 Jun 2011|02:30am] |
In the last month I have tried to make someone jealous, out of revenge for a broken heart. This has been absolutely the most embarrassing, immature and ridiculous choice I could have made. I've made myself into a joke, again.
The feeling I have towards myself is the worst criticism of all. I've caught a whiff of the stink I've made, and I'm ready to deal with it. Internally, I am truly embarrassed of my initial choices of trying to pretend I am a person worth male attention.
I should have been focusing on how Justin made me feel instead of trying to hurt him. I am hurting. I didn't want to admit it to myself,but I loved him, and he wasn't ever going to love me. I tried to prove to the general public, to get word to him, that I was a hot single women, taking on this town.
I shouldn't have done a single thing. I should have waited out this hurt. I shouldn't have pretended I was better off. I hurt other people, mainly myself. I can't sleep, I quit drinking, and I'm a big fat lier.
I thought I was about to embark of a solid relationship with a man who treats me right. But karma, allowed him to play me the exact same way I played my 72 hour boyfriends to try and make Justin jealous. If I were him, I wouldn't be jealous, I would just think my ex lover was a fucking joke. I will probably never speak to him again. I blasted my lips at him hard, he denied it and I spun out of control. This is my personal press release that I feel like shit, and need to be single. Perhaps spend time trying to save money, and move on.
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[25 Sep 2010|10:10pm] |
I'm in a state of crisis.
I'm at the bottom of my game.
ever up has a down.
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[15 Feb 2010|07:27pm] |
I found a 24 hour laundry facility in kalamazoo.
you can smoke inside. they serve 35 cent coffee at all hours.
I do a lot of laundry now.
I found a cheap place to do yoga too.
I do a lot of yoga now.
I met a boy in my philosophy class who doesn't love his girlfriend.
I keep convincing him he loves her.
I don't want him to know I'm in love with him.
I'm going to california in two weeks.
maybe I'll be able to shake my funk.
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| I feel like shit. |
[14 Feb 2010|11:10pm] |
Everyday gets a little bit more ridiculous.
So I'm hibernating until I sober up.
I've got a bumper sticker on my chest that says no regrets, no regrets.
I keep getting my hopes up. Then I realize the bigger picture and my hopes go down.
Realistic. It's hard to notice.
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[28 Dec 2009|11:01am] |
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pinback is the perfect band still
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| My vegan excursions |
[14 Nov 2009|12:59pm] |
Today vegan banana bread french toast
Turned out wonderful.
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| I feel like crap |
[11 Nov 2009|03:42am] |
my bio rhythms are extremely low
I spent two hours applying for a non-profit to have to pay a $25 application fee.
I also applied at Yosemite, a couple random Alaska Parks, Death Valley, YNP and Lake Tahoe.
If I don't hear any response I'll be forced to graduate almost on time-- big deal.
I am so sick of being in a hole.
I was feeling pretty blue skies a month ago. Now I'm just waiting for the rain to come.
I'm so ready to be done with college. I no longer want to go to grad school.
I can't image myself with an actual career.
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[25 Aug 2009|01:18am] |
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maybe I spoke too soon.
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[24 Aug 2009|04:15pm] |
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So I moved! and days are spent working and every night is an adventure. Things are pretty good.
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[27 Jul 2009|05:15am] |
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you know what.... I feel pretty good about things. I just reupholstered chairs all by myself and it feels pretty damn good.
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| Fourth of july last year |
[04 Jul 2009|06:31pm] |
I was in Montana picking up South American hitchhikers, eating burger king in the rain and drinking a lot. I also played in the hot springs in west yellowstone, naked.
this year, I slept in until 2pm, went to work, cleaned out my car and currently am about to take a nap.
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[25 Jun 2009|06:28pm] |
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i have no idea still after three years off college what my major really is.
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[22 Jun 2009|01:47pm] |
I had a break down and got a credit card and bought a macbook pro.
yes.
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| for sale |
[06 Mar 2009|03:29pm] |
I'm selling my 13inch black macbook
it's basically new it just needs a little love and attention.
(water damage)
$300
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[05 Mar 2009|07:38pm] |
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I stopped eating meat about five years ago.
I recently noticed how much of my hair has been falling out, the shape of my skin and how dried out my hair is even though I don't dye it.
I take biotin and b-12 everyday.
I think I need a new approach.
help.
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[12 Jan 2009|08:17pm] |
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I didn't really get a volvo for christmas.
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| for sale. |
[16 Dec 2008|07:49pm] |
2001 Saturn Sl
Good condition besdies the transmission doesn't work.
I'm trying to get ride of it this week
only
$200.
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[01 May 2008|02:10pm] |
I'm making myself sick.
I leave in 9 days.
I'm not okay.
I want to know what these feelings are
why I have to always dig too deep to destroy them.
change. change. change
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[21 Nov 2007|09:41pm] |
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When your in the game, charge it to the game.
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deathtojoy's journal